Friends First????

[Judy]

Hi! My name is Judy, I'm a Law of Attraction Love Coach. ..so, I like to talk about dating, love and romance. I'm always curious about how we as LBQ women go about life and love. I've run into a couple statements lately that have really gotten my attention ...I've chatted and ranted w/ friends, now I'm curious about what other's think.

If you're single and interested in dating and love, I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase "friends first". The phrase sounds innocuous, sure. . . but it has aroused my suspicions.

Ok, I understand that it takes awhile to really know people well. I know it can be disappointing and heartbreaking when that fantastic "zing" feeling doesn't mean she's the woman of our dreams. I understand women's desire to slow things down to feel AND think. I get all of this. .. and more. .. I really do.

What I'm suspicious about though is why do we want to decide ahead of time the nature of a relationship with a woman before we've met and connected w/ her? I wonder if our pursuit of "safety" that we attribute to "friends first" actually takes us further away from developing the self trust that we seek. AND, of course I'm an official member of the "Keep the Lesbian Zing Alive" club. lol

I wonder if there are other ways that we can learn to trust ourselves even while feeling really really good.

As I'm out in the world dating, I've been experimenting w/ all of this. Here's what I'm coming up w/ so far. As I've become more and more relaxed about love and such, I've really been able to use my "gut" as a solid guide. (I know, w/out a shadow of a doubt that I'll have other great love/s in my life so I don't have to MAKE that happen) So, now I get to have prolonged "friendships" with women when my gut (and other body parts lol) give me a mixed signal. When my self trust is really strong and I can take more emotional risks sooner. . . I'm much more able to let relationships take their natural course without the need to orchestrate it all. .. (and, I'm finding that I'm actually having a load of fun)

anyways, what do you think about this whole friends first approach to love and romance?

[Tracy]

Hi Judy,

Interesting topic, and one I am pretty darn familiar with after breaking up w/ my partner of 8 years last fall. Being back in the dating scene, I am primarily meeting other women via the standard dating websites, yahoo!, tango, etc. But I find that I'm very cautious, and rely more on the "friends first" philosophy is that there is no intermediary ! There is no gal pal who knows us both, who can vouch for us. Therefore, we proceed cautiously, and don't always lead with our gut or instinct. Takes a bit of the romance out of it, I must admit.
Tracy

[Mimi]

Good luck to you in your new life. I think there is a middle ground. Once in a while I will be growing a friendship with someone, with the acknowledgment that there are mutual feelings of attraction. We talk about the feelings and where it might go; so it is different than most of my friendships. Sometimes attraction comes early and sometimes later. Sometimes I feel good talking about those feelings and sometimes I have reasons for not sharing them. About the time I think I have something figured out, reality changes in a significant way. I wish it was all clear and easy, but I guess that is why it is one of the great mysteries of life.